The One Rule I Broke on My 10-Day Silent Retreat - and Why It Worked Better
Prefer to listen? This is Episode 7 of the No Bullshit Spirituality podcast. Go and have a listen, link below.
At 4am, in pitch black, I was meant to be in a meditation hall in the south of England with everyone else, sitting cross-legged, eyes closed, breathing in and out through my nose, observing the air on my nostrils. Instead, I was outside, against a fence at the back of the garden with a hot drink in hand, watching the sun come up over a field of cows. Every single morning.
If you know me, you know I'm deeply curious and I've tried a lot of weird and wonderful things in my time. One thing I learned doing my thousand hours of yoga teacher training here in Thailand is don't knock it till you've tried it, because I was encouraged to do all sorts of strange things with my body and breath that I would have turned my nose up at back in my old life, and every time I came out the other side thinking, that actually works. So when I tell you I went on a 10 day silent Vipassana and broke the rules every morning, I want you to know I wasn't being rebellious for the sake of it. I knew exactly what I was doing, and it taught me something I now hand straight to my clients.
What a Vipassana Actually Is
A Vipassana is a Buddhist meditation practice, traditionally 10 days, where you go to a centre, stay silent, eat really bland food, and do nothing but listen to a teacher and meditate. The bland food isn't an accident; exciting food gets your mind reacting, and the bland food paired with silence creates a container of nothingness where whatever's sitting underneath the noise of your normal life finally has space to come up, so you can observe it and let it go.
I'd done shorter versions before, a few single days and three days in a temple here in Thailand, but this was the full 10 days in the UK, on stunning grounds with genuinely incredible food, which is ironic because that's the opposite of what a Vipassana is supposed to be. I did not want to leave. They take your phone off you as you go in, and by the end I didn't even want it back, I was the last person out the door because I was having such a great time just being with myself, no distractions, no conversations, no bullshit.
The Pattern
Part of the practice is waking at 4 or 4:30am for your first meditation session with everyone else, and I did get up every time, I just never stayed in there. I'd make my morning drink and instead of sitting in the canteen with it, I'd take it outside, because in England in summer the sun comes up early and I'd found a spot at the back of the garden against a fence, beyond which was a field with cows or horses and trees, and the sun rose right behind them. What started as me going outside first and slipping into the hall a bit late slowly became me not going into the hall at all, sitting by that fence for the entire sunrise and the entire session, until I was ready to go in for breakfast.
This was the only session I ever changed. I sat in every other one and listened to the teachings properly, because I'm too curious not to. But that first slot, every day, belonged to the fence, because I chose to honour what I actually needed, which was to be outside with nature, meditating in a way that genuinely nourished me.
Meditation Isn't Something You Do, It's Something You Become
Meditation isn't a position you sit in, it's a state you become, and what you do to get yourself there is entirely your choice. If sitting cross-legged bores you to tears, don't do it, because ask yourself honestly whether you'll keep showing up for something you dread, because you won't, you'll just sit there thinking you're rubbish at this, which was never even the point.
I knew that if I was going to get through 10 days, I had to meditate in a way that nourished me, and most people hear that and say "but Carrie, that's against the point of a Vipassana." To that I say I'm not interested in the idea that something has to hurt in order to count. I can endure plenty, I do it in other parts of my life more than enough already, so not here, not with this.
The Three Stages You're Actually Meant to Go Through
This is where most people get stuck, because there are three stages you move through before you reach a meditative state, and most people skip straight to stage three and wonder why nothing's happening.
Stage One: Pratyahara, the Preparation
The first is Pratyahara, the preparation, where you release stagnant energy and pull yourself away from the noise of the world before you even attempt to sit. In practice, that might mean turning your phone off, doing some yoga, stretching, or journaling, clearing the deck before you begin.
Stage Two: Swadhyaya, the Silent Witness
The second is Swadhyaya, becoming the silent witness, where you observe what's going on in your mind without trying to change it, where your attention goes, what story you're telling yourself, where it hurts in your body. You're not trying to stop the thoughts; that was never the assignment. You're simply watching without judging, and if you do judge, you observe that too.
Stage Three: Dharana, One Point of Focus
The third is Dharana, where you take all that awareness and place it on one single point of focus. With the traditional Vipassana, that's the breath, but that's one example, not the only one, because you could go for a run, swim, train Muay Thai, draw a mandala, knit, whatever it is, the activity doesn't matter; the point is your full attention lands on one thing. For me, that point of focus was the sunrise, watching the colours shift and the energy changing inside me as I watched, and I got every benefit of a meditative state from doing exactly that.
So,my suggestion is that you too go figure out what genuinely lights you up and stop apologising for choosing it over whatever you've been told is correct.
The Tool I Give Clients Who've Lost Touch With Themselves
This is what comes up most when women tell me they don't know who they are anymore, that they don't even know what they love, and it's the first thing I get them to do. It's called the Come Back to You Practice.
Your Daily Sparks: everything you genuinely love to do, not the things you quite enjoy, the stuff that gives you that burn in your stomach, that you actually look forward to, and the aim is to get to 20 things. If you can't, that's normal, which is exactly where the second list comes in.
Your Untapped Self: everything you're curious about but haven't done yet, because your curiosities are a signal that there's something in there worth exploring. If you don't know where to start, ask what you loved doing as a kid, what you wanted to be when you grew up, what you get jealous of when you see other people doing it, or what you'd actually go and do if money and time weren't a factor.
With the Daily Sparks, commit to bringing more of those things into your life regularly, not by cramming them into one ritual and calling it done, but by making genuine space for variety often, because the more you do what you love, the more your resonance lifts, and your whole life starts tilting toward feeling good as the default rather than the exception. From there you can dream bigger and hold real conviction about what you're building.
With Your Untapped Self, commit to trying one thing regularly, weekly or monthly, and if some of it costs money, start saving for it. As you try things, observe how they make you feel. Didn't land? Cross it off and never go back. Brought you joy? Move it onto your Daily Sparks and start doing it on purpose.
You're not here to white-knuckle your way through somebody else's version of a correct practice, you're here to build a life with your own fingerprints on it, and nobody else gets to decide what that looks like for you. If a "yeah but I don't have time" or "it's alright for you" comes up, notice it, because that's an internal block talking, not a fact, and it doesn't get to be the reason you stay disconnected from what you love.
Want to go deeper? I’ve got a resource to help you.
The ‘Come Back to You’ Practice
Don’t know who you are anymore? Want to figure out what you love? Want to fill your days with more joy? Want to create more boundaries in your life? This is a simple 4-part activity that helps you to reconnect to yourself, explore who you are again, and figure out what you love. It also helps you to bring more love and joy back into your life and feel like you again.My Morning Routine
Your morning is the powerful part of your day. Crafting a sacred time for you to connect to yourself and how you want to show up in the world is the difference between you being run by the outside world and you being in control of your experience of life. You can download this free resource here.
Vipassana Retreat FAQs
What is Vipassana Retreat?
A Vipassana retreat is a traditionally 10-day Buddhist meditation course held in silence, with structured meditation sessions from early morning until evening. Phones, books, and conversation are not allowed.Do you have to sit cross-legged during Vipassana?
It depends on where you are doing it and what their rules are. Some, yes. Some are more relaxed and understanding and lenient.What are the three stages of meditation?
Pratyahara (preparation and pulling away from noise), Swadhyaya (becoming the silent witness to your own mind), and Dharana (placing full attention on one point of focus). Most people go straight for stage three and wonder why it doesn't work.Can you meditate without sitting still?
Yes. Meditation is a state, not a position. Anything that gives you total, undistracted focus, a run, a swim, drawing, watching a sunrise, can produce the same meditative state as sitting cross-legged on a cushion.Is a 10-day Vipassana free?
Traditional Vipassana centres run on donation only, so students pay nothing up front and give what they can afford at the end, if anything. Other retreat centres set their own pricing, so it's worth checking directly with the specific centre before you book.
May your days be filled with all the love that exists for you.
Carrie x
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